It's a jungle out there

Mood: caffeinated
Mr. Outside is trying to be Mr. Brightside, but there's no hiding the fact that the First National Bank of the Street is on the ropes. It's day two and the natives are getting restless: nobody's gotten rich yet. Mr. Brightside tries to put on a happy face by listening to "Song Two" by Blur with its perky line, "It's not my problem" while high on a large coffee from Marie's.

Nevertheless, Mr. Brightside decides to jumpstart business by offering a free lighter or a backpack lock to the first two customers. You need a backpack lock, as Mr. Outside discovered when his cellphone was stolen on his first day on the street. No honor among thieves, and the downtrodden too. Additional mods: condoms in fun flavors and colors are now free because a rising tide of STDs sinks all little men in boats, or something like that. First National hasn't opened its own clinic yet but is now offering aspirin to those who are not only downtrodden but hungover.