You can bank on it

Mood: mischievious
Now Playing: "Money" by Pink Floyd
Opening tomorrow is the First National Bank of the Street, specializing in micro-loans - all the essentials of life - cigarettes, bus tickets, quarters, $1 bills, condoms (the life you save may be your own), scratchers, $1 prepaid phone cards (call anywhere until midnight EST), and Mott's 100% apple juide boxes. Limit one per customer of everything, and that means you. No wheedling - I've heard them all.

To get around onerous State Corporation Commission and IRS regulations, the bank will "give" these items away - wink, wink. As a public service, also dispensing free info for the homeless, REACH Homeward cards and Brush-Ups. This bank will be virtual, with the location and opening times fluctuating from day-to-day. We pass the savings on to you. How low can we go? Lower than Janeane Garofalo, and that's pretty damn low. First National Bank of the Street will go beyond A.P. Giannini's vision of lending to the "little fellows" and will lend to Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man." The goal is to surpass Giannini's impact on the American economy.

No credit checks required - just your street cred. Repay me when ya see me. Interest: pretend that you have an interesting life, or however much you want.